the girl who wished she was

if it weren't for you...

2002-09-30T21:30:01Z

i wouldn't be able to smile right now. i wouldn't be able to think of anything positive about myself or my life. i wouldn't have hopes of being able to make things better and find a solid ground to stand on.

if you weren't here...
...i wouldn't be either. i would be packing and planning to move back to louisiana. i would be feeling defeated and probably hate myself.

if i didn't have you...
...i would be so very sad. i would want to be alone. i would not want to be much of anything.

unpoetic_lil_me @ 2002-09-28T03:05:00

2002-09-28T07:15:04Z

he's so wonderful. we shall see. it's definately something i want to take my time with. i will not treat this relationship the way so many others treat their's - fooling themselves to think the newness is true love, only to be disappointed once the newness wears off and they do not know the person they thought they loved.

a possible dream come true. i haven't wondered who it will be, so i do not compare him to my dreams. because of this, he can fill the blanks as we go along, and it will all fall into place.

think about it...

2002-09-16T18:43:28Z

just because we're not friends, doesn't mean we have to be enemies.

unpoetic_lil_me @ 2002-09-09T18:20:00

2002-09-09T22:23:15Z

every spirit must pass thru the black on the way to perfection. there, you will meet your own shadow-self. but, it is said, if you confront the black with imperfect courage, it will utterly annihilate your soul.

momentary madness

2002-03-01T02:53:11Z

how long can you hold the same expression of calmness when your silent screams are getting louder on the inside?

late night babble in my sleep

2002-01-08T14:32:40Z

and i saw it come to me like a wayward shower, burning over me with such energy that i fell inward and strobed my soul over the fiery pits. falling deep deep so deep into me, not knowing, understanding, comprehending its reason why. deep it plunged into me that the pain released into me like it was my death. and for a moment i felt peace. then it dissipated into the nightmarish reality i somehow survive.

unpoetic_lil_me @ 2002-01-07T02:00:00

2002-01-07T06:56:10Z

i want to be like cigarette smoke
sliding through the mouth, into the lungs
swirling around, then ease my way out again
into the air, slowly disappearing into a memory

then do it all over again

unpoetic_lil_me @ 2002-01-06T02:40:00

2002-01-06T07:49:49Z

i've discovered my reason to not need it all
to give in and give up and forsake eternity
and lay about in my mind and forget the wonders of existence

i've forgotten the dreams of then to come
released myself from question
and fallen into my privleged righteousness

i've expire the wants
i can be still, be silent
and know it's all the way it is to be

unpoetic_lil_me @ 2002-01-06T02:09:00

2002-01-06T07:26:31Z

fall asleep into me
calm the night with each breath
let us ease into each other
blissfully condensing our heat
melting into timelessness

dream into me
release yourself from your mind
let the moment take us away
feel the energy disolve
and become reborn again

flood me with your way
elivate my spirit high
show me the light of your colors
let me feel the moment in your eyes
together transcribe a new language

unpoetic_lil_me @ 2002-01-06T01:55:00

2002-01-06T06:49:30Z

if i dropped off the earth, would you remember me?
if never did you see me again, would you think of me at times?
if you could erase me from your past, would you?

i don't member this...

2002-01-03T05:24:36Z

out of the sunlight, she delivers herself
into the shadow of her closed, quiet life.
unable to refrain, she exposes her sighs
sighes she's been holding ever since last night.

from the time she saw her, to when glances did part
a flash of romance captured her mind and heart
now in the silence recesses of her mind
she ponders the extension, the illusion of dream

what could happen
what should be

=================================
...ok so that sucks... i made it very clear that i am UNPOETIC!!!

baptized

2002-01-03T03:50:57Z

we stood, our two selves, under the awning
watching the rain cry down
but when our eyes met
and our smiles arose
we held hands together
and danced into our baptism
beginning anew
recreating our innocence in love

1/24/30 - 6/7/97

2001-12-23T01:35:59Z

i remember...

?

how big his hands were
when mine lay flat inside.
i'd play with his fingers for hours.
safety in his size.

arms raised up to him
*hold you* i would say.
up i'd rise into his arms
safety near his face.

with him i would lay.
softly he'd rub my back.
asleep i'd fall quietly.
safety on his lap.

time has passed without him.
i've moved up and on alone.
i miss him so dearly.
my security feels all gone.

de-wording my computer

2001-12-20T05:15:51Z

i don't recall when i played around with these thoughts, but i do remember why. i'm so glad that all is over. i'm showin, basically, two of the same thing. i was just playin around with it, but it never really became anything.

my pieces have scattered.
broken like a piggy bank.
my insides rip out of me and used for others needs... wants.
tiny pieces of paper with I.O.U. scratched on them blowing my the wind.
it?s not really the insides missing that bother me.
it?s the tiny scraps of paper being the only sign of those people ever being in my life.
momentarily sincere *thank you*s of confidants now past those moments... now past the sincerity.

scattered pieces now am i
worthless like a broken piggy bank
emptied out by all that needed
littered by the I.O.U. paper scraps
all that?s left of faded memories of those
momentarily sincere *thank you*s
*you don?t know what this means*

maintaining a peaceful existance in subtle happiness

2001-12-20T05:07:01Z

if the human brain can make objects appear to be so realistic that all of one's senses are able to register its existence, what does that say about reality?
is reality simply made up of what human beings can register through their senses, something being more real because more than one person can register its existance?
...thoughts are strange.

unpoetic_lil_me @ 2001-12-01T03:39:00

2001-12-01T08:44:35Z

the shifting wind takes my thoughts and carries them away
no more recognition of the ponderings
sitting quiet, my eyes closed, being of nothing
i begin to sway to the tune my soul begins to play
weightless form of passionate song rising up into dance
taken over by the rush of blissful silent surrounding
i begin to fly in and out of the song of my soul
drifting like a feather down into rest

pure

2001-11-07T03:24:15Z

i wanna know
what it is you think about
when you're faced with your troubled plight.
do you run your mind away from it?
or do you stand and fight?

we live our lives in squanders,
squandering new experience and life.
too busy working for something
that too often keeps us up at night.

i run from possession,
false dignity and pain.
i just want to see the new colors
for each new passing day.

so here i am, just thinking
about all i've seen and heard,
and hope that there's a way
for our days to be true and pure.

i pride myself on knowing
i try never to do any harm.
i look for good in others
and spread cheer and love and song.

so don't give me any reason
to think so bad of you.
just smile and say that life's ok
and enjoying it is what you're gunna do.

unentwined

2001-11-06T04:09:21Z

when she looked at me ~ i felt it
with every muscle i could spare
there was no questioning anything
there was no chance to care
i gave myself fully to the one
the one who knew to take
it enveloped her completely
we both knew, in this, there was no mistake

and our souls, they swirled together
in our eyes and given stares
it seemed like an eternity
to be encumbered by our pair

no distractions heeded before us
no known sense of needed time
just two girls getting lost together
in the forest of their minds

but now there is a distance
we feel the hindered thought
we have come so far together
there's no more time to be bought

we are lost in our own ponderings
tho her hand is still in mine
together, we are still wandering
but completely unentwined

our eyes filled up with each other's tears
this space force us both to cry
we cannot live in this in this disillusionment
we have to, have to try

we have to face this fear we share
we have to recognize
that the time has somehow come to us
the time to say good-bye

we are two bodies parting, but our souls are one for life.

old words forgotten

2001-11-05T00:19:53Z

i feel like a big bird
in a real little cage
just fighting to get out
and fly far away
you've never seen the colors
that i try to show
you only know
what you know
what you know
what you know

unpoetic_lil_me @ 2001-09-03T11:58:00

2001-09-03T15:58:18Z

she came to me like a power surge
she knocked me off my feet
her hand held out, she helped me up
and walked next to me

unpoetic_lil_me @ 2001-08-05T17:29:00

2001-08-05T21:37:35Z

i've given in to the ways to be
i've followed rules and done the job
i've been for you what you've always asked
i've never measured up to what i should

i've gone against the ways to be
i've broken rules and quit the job
i've not been for you what you've always asked
i've always been proud of who i am

body language

2001-07-14T15:46:59Z

my head has been beatin me down more than my feet have the streets.
my heart has been breathin in and out the pollutions of this chaotic city.
my lungs have been growlin for sumthin new.
my stomach has been thinkin of home.

seems like my body is tryin news ways to entertain itself, and it's fukin me up!

(untitled thought)

2001-07-14T05:24:16Z

for time now, it is of the power to know
for time then, it is of the power to remember
for time when, it is of the power to hope
miggle together and see it is of all wonder
divide apart and see it is of broken reason

know, remember, hope for time as a tool
easily controlled of or by

i am

2001-07-13T01:03:52Z

i am constant
i am dreaming
i am wonder and belief
i am falling
i am under
i am giving in to me
i am hope
i am fog
i am roaming eyes that see
i am dancing
i am shadows
i am all that's in between